WARNING: RD's going to get kinda emo in this.

So, have started school again. This is a major step for me. Especially since I have yet to convince myself that I can even do it. I can't seem to get organized, focus, or even remember how I did it the first time around.

This school is a two-year school. I have enough credits already to graduate, I just need to take 11 more just so the school feels good enough about claiming me as one of their own.

Three years in college before and the only thing I have to show for it are the student loans and a long-term state of generally worse depression than I've had since I move to West Virginia nearly 10 years ago.

Feeling lost in this world doesn't seem to cut it. I mean, it's not like I don't have my loving Mormon family support. I'm definitely doing better than many people in much worse circumstances. I might not be able to hold down a job (thanks to Lowe's HR assistant telling me to get a grip kinda ruining and self confidence I might've still had). But I've got parents who are letting me live under their roof, use their utilities (I can't seem to be able to call myself poor when I know I have DSL internet access).

But, yeah... what was my point? I guess I'm not sure what's holding my sanity together at this point, but I've discovered something that seems to be EXACTLY what I needed: "The Middleman", it’s a new ABCFamily show. I happened upon part of their series premiere and found just what I needed. (ABCFamily’s tagline is "ABC: A new kind of family"; yeah that seems to glamorize sex and stupidity)

This show is cooler than all the Stargates and Harry Potters combined! I mean, Middleman is like "Gargoyles" standing out from Disney's kiddie-er shows and being an awesome source of quality entertainment for an audience who enjoys... (I'm not sure how to put this) more intelligent programming.

Not that the Middleman is an excessively intelligent show. They're like Stargate in that they gloss over the technicalities and don't get hung up on it like Star Trek sometimes tended to. Instead Middleman laughs in the face of technicalities! I mean, my OCDness still makes me want to rationalize different aspects, but at least it's easier than with Stargate and Charmed... as long as it takes place in L.A. that's the only place where it'd make sense... either that or New York, but their accents don't fit.

Anyway, the main characters are "the Middleman" and his new Middleman-in-training Wendy Watson. In the first episode you think that Matt Keeslar can't act, but as you go along, you realize that the character of the Middleman is SUPPOSE to be an impossible DORK! And that's one of the major reasons I love this show to pieces! It's ridiculous, funny, interesting, and it's given me something to look forward to. I can’t really dive into the fandom, cause I really don’t need something else to suck my hours of the day into, but I need to do some fan art to officially being this phase (though I have already started on a music video.)

Oh yeah, btw, I’m going to be trying to re-upload my music vids to YouTube (even since MGM made YouTube do their purge and I didn’t check my messages enough and lost everything; at least it’s all still on my harddrive. But that othergirl who plagiarized my Firefly vid probably has been happily claiming my work in the meantime.
Here’s my new YouTube page: [link] I’ve only got one vid up at this time. One with only artwork done by me, Evolra, Nebulan, and Pilar-sama; the only thing used without permission is the song. And with all those music vids up all over YouTube, they can’t say mine’s worse than all those others, I do credit Meredith Brooks, afterall.